Anger is like snow.
And is forgotten.
Love is like a sunny day.
It shines out,
Gets covered over,
But it is remembered
Anina Bennett, age 13 "Emotions' '
The sexually restricted Pisces Woman is also limited in her ability to recognize and express her anger. It takes her a long time to acknowledge her anger, to delve for the causes and situations that trigger it. Reasons for anger are often buried in the past, but the immediate provocations for anger are current. It is more productive for the Piscean to take a close look at present situations than to look far into the past.
The Pisces Woman is likely to get sick before she gets angry, to get ulcers before she yells at her children, and to protect her husband from her anger as he protects her from the violence of the world outside the home. In fact, it appears that Pisces makes an invisible bargain with her family. If they keep her unaware of the things that might make her fearful and angry, she will protect them in turn from her depressions and her anger.
The Pisces Woman dreamwalks through her early career or her childraising years. She is sweet, she is a good subordinate, and she thrives on establishing a happy atmosphere. She truly wants to believe in the American ideal of the happy home and woman. She hopes that as long as she keeps up her end of the partnership, the fairy tale will continue. She pays more attention to fantasy than to her gut feelings, the repression of which gives her headaches and stomach cramps.
When she approaches thirty, she experiences a clear-cut turning point. She becomes aware of the fact that she is very different from her mother. Though this makes her anxious, she also welcomes the change. She begins to enjoy her own independent identity for the first time. She gets in touch with strong feelings of anger and eroticism.
For the Pisces Woman, anger does not become a reality until she breaks away from her early, obedient self. At thirty, she realizes that as long as she keeps her emotions of fear, guilt, and anger checked, she cannot give space to important parts of her emerging being. At this time, in her inimitable, subtle, cautious, self-protective style, she tiptoes into great changes. Her partner and others may only notice that she seems more alive. Her body language changes. She becomes more energetic.
The Pisces Woman can always use her eyes very effectively to transmit messages (she can also receive, much like a sensitive radar device). Now, however, she lets the rest of her body express her feelings. Dissatisfaction with sex is transmitted through strong body language. She begins to express disappointment, anger at rejections, and interest in more sexual equality. If her mate has been used to an easy ride, he is in for some surprises. She gets tough about cash flow, late nights with the boys, domestic disorder—and says so.
Pisces in her thirties may turn into a self-help fanatic. She may become a personal growth cultist. If she thus sublimates her anger, she has developed a good way to cope.
In her forties, she can choose one of two directions. If she has followed the above script, she mellows. If she is just beginning to get in touch with negative feelings, she does so with a vengeance. As she discovers her anger, many separations and divorces occur.
By forty, she has had to deal with many setbacks. Life is never easy for Pisces, nor is expressing anger. At this juncture, it may seem to her that the more she feels anger and the more she expresses it, the more negativity enters her environment. This is a decidedly defeatist approach that is fueled by others' resistance to her new habits. The Piscean needs to stop worrying about whether her children need her every minute of the day; whether her husband no longer loves her because she is not perfect; or whether her employer dislikes her newfound assertiveness. She should look forward to the emotional stability and maturity that lie ahead.
In her fifties, the Pisces Woman comes to regard anger as a foible one gets used to. She develops patience with herself, chuckles more than she used to, uses laughter to relieve the pressure of her self-doubts. Her relationship to herself is better, and she enjoys other people and believes she is at her most creative. Peace has come to her.
Sexually, because of the relationship between constructively expressed anger and pleasure, she follows a similar pattern. When she is unaware of herself in her twenties, she remains emotionally restrained and sexually insecure. She neither knows what she wants nor asks for what she needs. Consequently, she is unfulfilled and frustrated; though not physically stuck at a pre-orgasmic plateau, emotionally she is arrested there.
She achieves multiple orgasms in her thirties, a prime sexual time for all women. As she accepts and expresses her anger, so can she release her sensuality. If a crisis, such as a divorce, occurs at this time, she may experience a setback to her earlier self-rejection. But as a survivor she comes back stronger than ever, and she remembers how good it felt to be able to release. Self-acceptance comes only after self-knowledge. The Pisces Woman can cast off negativity by accepting herself.
In her late thirties, Pisces comes to recognize her need for self-respect and achievement. She likes subtly applied power. She comes to see her anger as an outcome of earlier feelings of helplessness, inferiority, or powerlessness. She also begins to understand the indirect and destructive methods she had used to achieve power in relationships: through demanding attention, through sickness, through quiet suffering, and through depressions.
Pisces rarely uses anger to get what she wants, as more directly aggressive types do. For example, Aries must demilitarize her anger and express it constructively. For Pisces, the struggle begins with the acknowledgement of her anger; and then she must struggle to express it well.
The Pisces Woman can reduce frustration and avoid depression only when she accepts that her life is defined by her own perceptions and also that her perceptions are her choice. Anger is a reaction one chooses.
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