On Anger

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I interviewed several Scorpio women, and here are some typical responses:

1. "I try not to get angry. When I do, I feel so outrageous that I'm sure I'll get mine."

2. "I'm almost never angry. It wasn't until your questions made me think, that I realized that for me to be angry is cataclysmic. The moment I am angry, I become a total bitch."

3. "I'm never angry at the things I should get angry at, like social injustice. Instead, I get angry and kick the dog when he eats his bone on the carpet. I seem to get angry mostly over petty things."

The first person is indicating that she feels guilty whenever she acts angry. This woman has a strong religious background, and was raised with the idea that anger, like any "sinful" behavior, can only bring down the wrath of authority. When she joined one of my classes on the constructive uses of anger, she was having difficulty reaching orgasm during intercourse. She was highly orgasmic while masturbating, however. It became clear during the course of the class that she was going through a typical Scorpio phase. She was angry inside almost all the time, and the anger was catching up with her now that she was under the general life stress of separations and endings. The accumulation of old, unvented anger directly affected her sex life.

The second woman, Beth, is a sophisticated person in her mid-forties. Her upbringing taught her that anger means being a "bad girl," so she chooses not to get angry. I asked her what she does with her pent-up anger. At the start of our acquaintance, she told me that she handles anger by ignoring it. But two months later, she came to see me visibly upset. I found out that her mother-in-law had been visiting and had stirred up feelings of hostility that Beth thought she had controlled.

You cannot ignore anger and hope it will go away. It just shifts ground. Eventually, angry people develop sexual and relational problems. These may show up in family interactions, body image, or sexual functioning (difficulty reaching orgasm or lack of sexual desire, for example). In Beth's case, her sex life had ground to a halt.

The third speaker, Lila, is overweight, bright, and quite angry. Her husband is out of work, and she must support both of them. She dislikes her job, is upset with her husband, and wants to go into business for herself. However, she has no time to develop her plans, and she never has enough money, either. Lila is displacing her anger onto "safe" things. It is safer to kick the dog than her husband or boss. The dog may growl at her, but he will not have the power to divorce or fire her.

As long as Lila refuses to confront the real issues that make her angry—which she must eventually do if she is to change her life and be happier—she will continue to vent her anger on "petty" things. Incidentally, she is not turned on by her husband at all right now.

These three women are typical of a pattern. Their parents probably sent them to bed without supper when, as little girls, they displayed anger. They were probably all raised in a religious or puritanical atmosphere. Left to sit alone and contemplate the "wickedness" of their anger, they grew up believing that showing it is sinful and dangerous. In their subconscious, anger probably became linked with another area that almost all of us are raised to consider sinful and dangerous—sexuality. We know from recent research that jailing people often begets more, not less, aggressive behavior. This goes for little girls, too.

The Scorpio Woman was probably trained to be sorry for her anger whenever she showed it. Typically, she grew up feeling guilty about it and fearing it. But because she is a very intense woman who harbors an emotional volcano, she can no more deny herself expression, be it of love or of anger, than we can tell the moon to forget about influencing the tides.

Anger is particularly poisonous for Scorpio because it attacks her sex drive first and foremost. This is because, as I mentioned before, she is most susceptible in her first chakra (the sex center). Rob the Scorpio Woman of her sex drive, and you will see a sorry creature, bereft of her mightiest source of power and energy. I strongly advise her to relinquish her hold on guilt and fear when it comes to the expression of anger.

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