Love and Sex

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In Cancer's opinion, love and sex are tailor-made for each other, much as in the famous song: "Love and marriage, love and marriage/Go together like a horse and carriage." To Lady Cancer, nothing is more beautiful than a pair of shining, adoring male eyes spotlighting her to the accompaniment of the heavenly grunts and groans of an approaching orgasm.

The Cancer Woman typically prefers her love with security, admiration, lots of physical contact, and gentleness that ebbs and flows into an ocean of desire. Her imagination is so fertile that she usually constructs elaborate scenarios to stimulate her. She also needs permission to fantasize and was probably vastly relieved when the sexual climate relaxed enough to permit the publication of books like Alex Comfort's runaway best-seller The Joy of Sex.

She is sometimes more active in her fantasies than in her man's bed. She seems to have a built-in initial reluctance to engage in sex, an inexplicable holding back at the moment of starting and again when she is on the verge of orgasm. She does not take the initiative easily or speedily, probably due to her inherent insecurity. Starting sex means continuing, then going all the way, and orgasm means losing control, all of which may create restraints for Lady Cancer.

Being in love, even if it's an illusion, opens her sexually. It is as if love removes most of her inhibitions, so that sex with love becomes her best way to "come out."

She is not particularly experimental, but she is easily influenced. A highly sophisticated lover can teach her all kinds of exotic love games and find her a pliant, receptive student. Later in life, when she is more experienced, she easily assumes the role of the sex teacher and usually takes a much more aggressive stance.

Her fantasies are apt to revolve around romantic interludes—making love in water, walking on the beach under a full moon; satin sheets, big bed, candlelight, soft music, an ambience of sensual splendor; a Prince Charming who repeatedly helps her to vault over her guarded walls and introduces her to the most exquisite, forbidden joys of sexual union. The rape fantasy is a common one for Cancer; she likes to think about being subjugated. Her most secret fantasy is to eventually dominate the man who believes her totally submissive.

Her sexual response pattern in intercourse seems to be the following:

1. Initial reluctance, as if she had to climb over a wall and case the other side.

2. Slow arousal. She usually needs a great deal of tactile stimulation; she is also apt to find a foot or thigh massage, or prolonged caressing of the head, shoulder, and breast, highly erotic. She tends to dislike quick penetration, preferring slow foreplay as preface.

3. Straightforward approach. The Cancer Woman usually does not need elaborate sexual techniques. She tends to stick with her favorite positions while her mental imagery supplies the variety that reality may lack. Lovers should not be surprised to find out that their modest Cancer partner runs hot sex scenes in her head, often starring a man other than the one she is in bed with (he has probably done the same just as often).

Her favorite positions are missionary, on her side with penetration from the back, and woman superior. She likes a lot of lubrication, and may use lubricated condoms plus extra lubrication. She does not mind sweat either, and is in fact often stimulated by it.

4. Intense orgasms. She is capable of intense orgasms, especially after heavy fore-play and fantasies. She usually builds, and needs to build, tremendous body tension; she often has a rash on her chest, sweat on her back, thighs, or stomach, and a highly flushed face. No woman can have an orgasm without building body tension, especially below the waist, and Cancer seems to know this insdnctively.

The Cancer Woman who has never fully surrendered and clings to fears caused by sex-negative conditioning may need to do specific work with her body and body image. If she has never had an orgasm, I recommend Lonnie Barbach's For Yourself. If she has orgasms but for any reason feels dissatisfied, I recommend a series of awareness-, skill-, and confidence-building exercises, preferably with a counselor or therapist. The Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, 1523 Franklin Street, San Francisco, California, 94109, is an excellent national referral center.

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