The constructive use of anger in a partnership comes out of commitment to responsible communication about oneself and commitment to intimacy with another. The following is a guideline for the constructive use of anger, with a particular focus on the Pisces Woman.
1. The four key conditions for the constructive expression of anger are:
a. A commitment to learning new skills.
b. An environment conducive to speaking and listening.
c. Availability of time.
d. Availability of partners.
2. The rules that guide the healthy exchange of anger are:
a. The word should is not used.
b. The participants commit to attention, nonthreatening persuasion of point of view, specific negotiation.
c. Both partners commit to the allotted time period.
d. The anger-provoking act is separated from personality.
3. Anger is used constructively as:
a. A tension release.
b. A sign of the need for change.
c. An energizer.
d. A catalyst to overcome fear, boredom, old habits.
e. A way to gain influence.
f. A way to establish a stronger identity.
4. The constructive expression of anger for a Pisces Woman takes the following pattern:
a. Awareness of anger.
b. Conscious separation from earlier role models.
c. Development of an independent identity. Anger at her mother can be very useful here to create distance from "little girl" behavior. Anger at her mother can be turned into tolerance through work on self. If she sees her mother as a product of her times and as having done what she could, Pisces can accept her better.
d. Increase of adult identity. Anger at men is expected. It is useful insofar as it gives her space and time to do things on her own. She needs to explain to intimates what she is doing and set a timetable. She can consider ways to negotiate change, therapeutic methods to release anger (bioenergetics, primal scream, psychodrama, etc.).
e. Awareness of what triggers her anger and the ways to cope in each situation. Anger at men can be dealt with through constructive discussions, counseling, or women's groups. Setting professional goals and being responsible for their success or failure also lifts much of the burden of rage with men, for this rage is competitive and comes from feelings of helpless inferiority.
f. The construction of her own world with places where she feels safe in expressing her whole self.
When the Pisces Woman learns to use anger as a constructive force, when she regards it as real and universal, when she acknowledges both its positive and negative powers, when she acknowledges that as a mature woman she has choices in her emotional life, she becomes an integrated, independent woman.
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