Monogamy and Nonmonogamy
Monogamy is defined as sexual and emotional exclusivity. Stricdy speaking, this makes most Americans, married or not, nonmonogamous, for few people today are emotionally monogamous. But here I will use monogamy in the loose sense, meaning only sexual exclusivity.
A woman may be looking for characteristics in a husband different from those she seeks in a lover. The Aries Woman is especially choosy when selecting a provider and father to her children. She knows herself to be capable of grand passions, but she also knows they need to be grounded. Thus, she may choose a husband who fulfills her needs for stability and respect in the eyes of the community, one who is an upholder of form and continuity (not an Aries forte).
As a mate, the Aries Woman is ardent, loyal, sentimental, and practical. If she is satisfied with the choice she has made, she may direct her need for excitement into sexual passion with her husband, but the Aries Woman often carries on several pla-tonic friendships with men. Her need for people, stimulation, and challenge can be met in multiple relationships that celebrate her multiple selves.
The following represent typical situations that could influence the Aries Woman to become nonmonogamous.
1. Need for adventure. She is on a trip and is suddenly attracted to someone. She is likely to act on impulse and jump into the experience. She suffers no guilt since in her mind this is no reflection on her marriage.
2. Boredom with husband. Sooner or later, the Aries Woman may find that pla-tonic friendships do not fill the vacuum created by the waning of marital passion or by lack of growth in the partner or relationship. Although she can be driven at times into melodramatic and risky affairs, she is far more likely to be revitalized than to be destroyed.
3. Low self-esteem, repressed anger. She may go off on sex hunts to prove herself. She may disclose her infidelity to her husband at a later date, ostensibly in the name of honest communication. Usually, her real aim is to spite him. This is a poor strategy in which sex and anger are simultaneously misused. In the best circumstances, these incidents can serve to open up feelings and to galvanize the partners to take necessary action.
4. Lack of respect for partner. The Aries Woman cannot love someone she does not respect. This situation is deadly and usually means the end of the partnership or marriage in any viable form. If the shell survives, sex will not be an important part of it. The Aries Woman who finds her husband emotionally dependent on her for his survival, much as he was as a small child with his mother, feels stifled and eventually rebels. She will probably be driven to multiple affairs and seek out a man who is more her match. She will not hesitate to bail out of the original relationship emotionally and legally.
5. Extreme jealousy by the partner. This can drive the Aries Woman to seek less restrictive relationships. She cannot stand to have her independent movement controlled or her freedom questioned.
The Aries Woman is in the forefront of social change. In the area of expanded lifestyles, she may be interested in the following:
SINGLE WOMAN /INTIMATE NETWORKS: The independence and self-determination of the Aries Woman make this a frequent and viable choice. The Aries Woman will willingly and wholeheartedly participate in this approach to relationships, which implies friendship and possible sexual intimacy with both sexes.
OPEN MARRIAGE: Because of her frankness, the Aries Woman is better suited to this arrangement than most other types. If determined, she can make a go of it. I suspect that she will be more involved on principle. Though she prefers to be honest and dreams of complete soul-baring with her mate, she will have to work to put it into practice.
MENAGE A TROIS: This is a good temporary arrangement, in which couples share their sex lives with a third person. The Aries Woman usually prefers that the third partner be male. If jealousy does not rear its head and territorial imperative does not become more important than passion, this is a workable relationship.
COMMUNAL LIVING: This is not a prime choice for the Aries Woman, for this situation may result in too much competition from other women in close quarters and entail many routine household chores, which Aries can't abide. The Aries Woman, while open to anything, finds it difficult to have relationships where all are sheep and where leadership is episodic and dictated by communal decision making.
GAY/BISEXUAL LIFESTYLE: 1 have met an unusually large number of openly gay Aries women. Many have come out of traditional marriage and gone into gay partnerships. This lifestyle provides Aries with a forum for her progressive beliefs, her androgynous sexuality, and her anger at sexist socialization. Because she tends to live in extremes, she may swing back to heterosexual behavior again with equally strong convictions.
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